Nadir

Well, half way through my two weeks at home and I’ll never fail to appreciate my white blood cells again.  In chemo, blood counts such as red and white blood cells and platelettes continue to decline after the chemo chemicals stop.  The low point is about day 15 (first day of chemo is day 1), which was coincidently the start of a very bad few days for me.  I felt pretty good - and was getting better - but then an insect bite on my leg got infected and the two wounds form my surgery started flaring up and threatening infection too.  On Friday my temperature hovered around the critical 101F, above which I have to admit myself to an emergency room because my body cannot fight an infection with low white blood cell counts.  Ann spent the day on the phone with nurses and doctors, but we’ve been able to keep the infection at bay this weekend and avoid a hospitalization.  Doctors predicted day 15 to be my low point, or “nadir”.  Nadir means many things including the point of the celestial sphere that is directly opposite the zenith and vertically downward from the observer, and the lowest point of a person’s spirits.  But don’t worry; I’m far from a low point spiritually – just slugging it out until I go back to Texas on Friday.  Its great to be around the kids all day, and Sabrina is learning how to be a pet doctor by taking care of me.  When I’m napping in bed she’ll sneak in and take my temperature with an ear thermometer and report back to Mom.  Both kids are handling it well, and we’ve had discussions with them about Daddy having cancer (the hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life).  Sabrina often tells me that it makes her sad that I am sick.  But the home front ticks along in its daily rhythms and we’re all together and that’s fantastic.  Attached is a picture of my new hairdo.  The radiation on my right eye finally caused my hair to fall out along the right side of my head, which looked like a major shaving accident.  Ann told me mattor-of-factly at breakfast that my “right sideburn fell off.”  So I had a barber even it out.  I think it looks good, a proper fighting man’s haircut my old drill instructors would be proud of (minus the facial hair).  Today is National Cancer Survivor Day, and they say that every cancer patient is a survivor from the day they are diagnosed.  That was probably my spiritual nadir, the low point for me in this fight.  I feel that every day since April 1^st of this year has been a day of survival for me, a day of progress and fighting and outlasting an enemy.  On this Survivor's day I remember what Lance Armstrong told cancer - “I am a survivor.  Cancer, you will not break me.  I am a survivor.  Cancer, you can’t survive ME.”