Downtime

In a war, troops are not always engaged in combat, but they are always fighting.  Time spent behind the lines is a weird kind of limbo, knowing that a life and death battle rages on just over the horizon but spending a lot of time just hanging out.  I guess many of you are wondering what I do with myself in between treatments.  Well, spending time at home has been an interesting exercise in both trying to get stuff done as well as filling up the time of the day. This is made all the more complicated by a combination of lack of ability to do things you could, and wanted, to do before and all the time off from work to get treatment.  I used to budget out every minute of my time, planning out my schedule three months in advance in thirty minute increments with color coded graphics and synchronized calendar files.  Now, for the first time since I was in college, I find each day between treatments a relatively blank slate. I'm not going to work, not riding my bike, not going out and that frees up about 99.6% of my non-family time.  If you think that what you do does not define who you are then you should try taking some serious time off from all that you do, it’s an eye opener.  Now I'm not a finance executive, not a cyclist, not a not a stranger to a glass in my hand (at least for now).  I wonder if I met someone new how I would describe myself?  To help answer that question I’ve been spending some serious time developing an attitude of gratitude, and defining who I am by all that I am blessed with instead of all that I do.  For all I've lost so far I am still a seriously lucky dude.  Two healthy, perfect girls and a wonderful wife would make it all worthwhile but I have so much more - including the relative good health to fight this cancer.   To whit, I've started a morning routine of walking the dogs one mile followed by yoga and core exercise (balance board, etc.).  I started setting my alarm clock and taking showers on a regular basis and trying to maintain some discipline while in the rear with the gear.  Chemo brain still makes anything intellectual a challenge, but I can fight cancer every day between treatments with push-ups and sit-ups.  I am still watching massive amounts of the Military Channel and Versus Cycling TV as well as afternoon napping with the dogs, but working on speeding my recovery is going to help me beat this thing. So in between treatments I'm spending my time continuing the fight.  I'm rebuilding reserves, continuing to research treatment options and tactics, licking my wounds and readying for the next attack.